Plateaus and Challenges

Spring is a time of new beginnings -- we all get the urge to clean out closets, spruce up the yard, etc. -- so it's a good time for personal beginnings also. This past month I reached a plateau in my weight loss program, with only a few pounds to go to reach my goal. For a few weeks my whole body felt out of balance. I wasn't ill, just not "quite right". I finally mentioned my lack of weight loss to my nutritionist, who suggested tweaking my exercise, mostly by increasing the time I spend. I think she forgot that I told her I exercise 8-10 hours a week as it is! What to do? I decided that perhaps a slight increase in intensity would help. Yesterday instead of 45 minutes on the treadmill, I did 30 minutes, then 30 more in the cross-trainer, which is definitely a higher intensity. Most of the time on the cardio machines I don't select a "program", but just go in manual mode letting my joints and music from my I-pod quide me. Today on the elliptical, I chose "aerobics mode". Oh MY! Within 10 minutes I was breathing hard, and at 20 minutes I was in a full sweat (it usually takes at least 30 for me to get there), and at 30 I wasn't sure I could get to the end (45 min). I stuck it out and barely finished. Guess I'm not in as good shape as I thought! Whew! I'll keep this up for a bit and see how I do. So far my joints aren't complaining and the scales moved a tiny bit.

I also have felt recently that I have reached another plateau, this one with my music. I complained to my teacher that I keep learning different pieces, but I don't feel that I'm advancing in any way. She assured me that I am way better than I was four years ago (hard to believe it has been that long!), but I want to look forward to where I CAN be, not where I WAS! On to a new challenge! I rummaged through my music and found an exercise book from long ago that has exercises for the "virtuoso pianst". Ha! My teacher agreed that perhaps working on these would be helpful. Um, who is the teacher here? She also tasked me with looking at other music and listening to pieces and to come back in two weeks (no lesson during Spring Break) with some ideas about what I want to learn. To date, I have pretty much let her choose the pieces, (with a few exceptions) since she is the expert and that's what I'm paying her for, right? But this will be a challenge for me, but I'm going to give it a shot.

Stay tuned for updates on how I progress!

Magic Genes? (or not)

Today I was reduced to tears by a post on my daughter's blog. It gave me an insight into my daughter that I can't say that I never knew about, as I did know about some of it, and suspected a lot of it. As a mom, I wonder if there was something I could have done to make it easier for her: I often wonder that about both my children, you know, are there things I could have done, said, etc. to prepare them better for life? I guess mom's always want to spare their children pain, and wish they had done a better job of parenting. Or maybe it's just me.
And, I wonder if my problems with MY self-image were somehow passed on to my daughter, whether genetically or by my actions.
I thought I would share where I am coming from, and why I think I may have had something to do with her lack of a good self-image. When I was about 8, I got fat. I was never obese, but was what my mother smilingly called (and oh, how I hated it!) "pleasantly plump". When I wore shorts, they would ride up between my legs because my thighs rubbed together (you've all see the fat kids that looked like this, haven't you?). My classmates teased me unmercifully: "Fatty, fatty 2 by 4, can't get through the bathroom door, so she did it on the floor!" Ever heard that one? I did. Alot. I was already kind of shy, and so I retreated from making friends. (Fortunately, I did have one best friend - oddly, she was the tall, skinny misfit). My mother sent me to Girl Scout camp (I was a Brownie) when I was 8 or 9, hoping I guess that I would get some exercise, make new friends, etc. My mother was a single mom with 3 daughers, so I am sure this was a stretch for her on her teacher's salary. I had only one set of "Brownie" shorts and t-shirt. All the girls in my cabin had a set for every day of the week, and remarked to me 'You only have ONE?!?". I wanted to crawl under my cot. At swimming they had a buddy system - everyone had to have a partner to swim with. The counselers had to ASSIGN me a buddy every day. Nobody wanted to buddy with the shy fat kid. I was SO glad when that week was over! Same thing happened at school in PE with softball, basketball, or whatever -- always chosen last, and grudingly. Somewhere around 7th grade, I think, my mom insisted that I join the basketball team. I sat on the bench for every game. Once they put me in at the end, when the game was won.
Even though I slimmed down when I got my growing spurt, I was still heavier than my friends, and always, always, thought of myself as fat. Even though I ended up with a wonderful husband, two great children, and in my 40's began a challenging career, inside I was always the shy fat kid. To some degree I still am. I have struggled to overcome the shyness -- I sometimes have to force myself to connect with people - and most of my friends now don't see me that way. But it was hard. I have always struggled with my weight. At one point in my 50's I was actually obese, tipping the scales at 208! Now, finally, I am 78 pounds lighter (after some yoyo-ing), but still struggling, and still thinking of myself as, if not fat, still too heavy. Just 5 more pounds! Please? But I have declared this my last diet! Geez, I'm old enough, don't you think? From now on I will eat right, and exercise, and maintain a healthy weight, and not obsess about it. I hope....

So did I pass this self-image thing on to my daughter? Did she pick up on my agaonizing in front of the mirror over the years, and internalize it? If I did contribute to her problems, then I apologize, profusely. Perhaps it was just her karma, and the fact that she got her dad's tall genes instead my short ones. One difference is that she was always tall, slim, and beautiful, but just didn't see herself that way. I actually WAS fat, in between the slimmer times. But now I am just glad to see her happy and if not "over it", much better than before. I think her "Candyman" has a lot to do with that! My hat is off to my strong, beautiful daughter!

Magic Bird Seed

My hubby filled the bird feeders yesterday -- usual stuff, he thought. But is it? Today while we were in the kitchen fixing lunch, we observed a wondrous sight! All kinds of birds at our feeders, all at once! There had to have been 30 or more birds flying around, on the feeders, and in the bushes. There were several beautiful bluebirds, cardinals, yellow finches, the usual little sparrows (8 of them filled up a feeder), and a bird with a red head that I didn't recognize and have to look up. A red-headed woodpecker landed on one feeder to check it out before retiring to a nearby tree to try his luck there. This went on for quite a few minutes, and was a sight to behold! Must be something Magical in those birdseed.....

Nature's Magic

Sounds like a boring subject, yes? Please don't yawn. I've been on this earth for 67 1/2 years (I'm always amazed at THAT -- how time flies!) and the magical rebirth that occurs every year in the spring just delights me. Plants and trees that appear dead, magically sprout! Every year! Without fail! This is especially magical here in the south, if you can stand the pollen that goes with it. Right now it's just starting -- daffodils up, crabapples trees in bloom, lenten roses popping out. Soon we'll have the irises, the Bradford Pears and Dogwoods, then the azaleas, daylilies.... Well I could go on and on. If you live here, and have lived in the south, then you've seen it and know what I'm talking about. If you don't know, then you should plan a visit to the south in April just to see it.
I am so looking forward to sitting on my porch (soon! soon!) and enjoying nature's bounty. Happy (almost) Spring!

Makeover Magic

While I was sweating away on the elliptical at the gym today, there was a program on that was showing makeovers. There was no sound, and I was too far away to read the closed captioning, but here's the gist of it. They went into the street and picked a woman out of the crowd for a makeover. It appeared that when they did the makeover -- hairdo, makeup, clothes - that they didn't let the woman look in the mirror to see the final look until she went before the camera. Now I know the the "picks" could be pre-planned, and it could all be a fake, but if it is, these women are good actors! At first I was prepared to just blow it off, and take my eyes to another TV, but here's what got to me. There were two women. The "before" picture for each was pretty sad. When they each came out on stage, their family and friends were there and they all applauded and cheered. THEN, the woman was allowed to turn and look at herself in the mirror. One of them literally burst into tears! And she looked GREAT! Both of them did! And I could just tell from their faces how happy and good they felt.

I had just talked to my daughter a short time before about the Fairy Godmother project in Nashville (http://fairygodmotherprojectofmusiccity.com/) that collects dresses and accesssories for underpriviledged high-schoolers so they can go to their proms. It made me think of the fact that any age, we all like to be the best we can be, and look our best. It gives us confidence to face the world, knowing that we look "beautiful"! Right?

Magic Momma (or the Bionic Woman)

I am continually amazed at the "magic" of modern medicine! On my last visit to the eye doctor, I mentioned that the vision in my right eye had become fuzzy. He checked and declared that a film had grown on the lens behind the lens that the cataract surgery replaced (there is a techincal name for this, which I have forgotten). This had happened with my left eye also ( it occurs in about 45% of people after cataract surgery). At a subsequent appointment he pointed a laser into my eye, zapped a few times, and Voila! Magic! 20/20 vision (with glasses) at my follow up on Friday.
That's just the most recent amazing thing. The cataract surgery was special too, in that I am way, way less nearsighted -- I can see the clock from the bed without glasses! Without all this and the meds that keep my glaucoma under control, I would probably be blind by now. Scary to think that there are many people in the world who don't have access to this kind of care.
Then of course there's the metal in my shoulder and my ankles that allows me to use my joints normally and the surgery on my finger that lets me use my hand normally. I truly feel like a Bionic Woman!